Fire and Ice: Rekindled (The Fire and Ice Series Book 2) Page 10

  This entire clusterfuck of a day felt like a seventy-two hour hitch. Amped up for my new takeover today, I ended up tossing and turning most of the night last night, and Jim and I had come into the bar early in the morning to go over some of the logistics. I could sleep for a fucking day. No rest for the weary…

  Sighing, I ran my fingers through my hair and began to undress as I blew out the candles she had placed around the room. Sliding onto the bed beside Hailey, I gently slid my arm under her and pulled her sleeping form against my chest. She mumbled incoherently, threw her arm over my abdomen, and nuzzled into me. Using the arm I was cradling her with, I stroked my fingers up and down the soft skin of her back.

  From the corner of my eye, I caught the blinking of red light near me...Hailey's phone resting on the nightstand, indicating she had a message waiting for her. Was I positive the kid wasn't mine? No, I wasn't. In fact, I wasn't positive about anything right now.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Hailey

  Rousing from my sleep, I could feel the bright morning sunlight filtering through my eyelids. I refused to open them. My mind was foggy and I wanted to drift back into dreamland. Pulling the covers up over my face, I snuggled deep into the pillow next to me, hoping to have Kellan's signature scent waft over me. I slid my hand to the other side of the bed, seeking out the warmth of his skin. The sheets next to me were cool, and the space empty.

  My eyes suddenly popped open and I sat upright as the realization dawned on me that I was still wearing my lingerie, untouched, and my bedroom was empty. Kellan! Oh, God, it was all coming back to me now. I'd fallen asleep last night, and he'd never made his way back over.

  I threw myself back against my pillow, wanting to curl up into a ball and become invisible for the day. Or the rest of the week...a month tops. Sighing deeply, I wanted to kick myself for daring to hope that Kellan would make good on his promise to return last night. No doubt, he'd probably gotten tied up at the bar, and I was surely only an afterthought, one he clearly didn't intend to follow through with. He's failed me time and again...why would I think this time would be any different?

  Though I felt defeated, I realized I needed to get up and face the day. I had work today, and Georgia was right- it would be best to just ignore him. Easier said than done.

  Throwing the covers off myself, I suddenly felt ashamed as I looked over my attire. The outfit certainly looked more appealing in the glow of the candles. Seemingly, my thigh-gap had disappeared since I’d last donned the attire, which was a few months back when I’d tried it on in the dressing room. I had planned to wear it for Jordan for our annivers… I frowned at the thought of wearing the garments for someone they weren’t originally intended for.

  Taking in a deep, cleansing breath, I resolved to purge the insidious thought from my mind before I let it take me down a dark path. I quickly slid from my bed, shed the ridiculous outfit, haphazardly grabbed for a comfy t-shirt and yoga pants, and slid them on as I huffed out an irritable breath.

  I noted the time on the clock next to my bedside table...6:45 a.m. I'd fallen asleep fairly early and seemingly, had slept soundly, as I was beginning to feel rejuvenated. It was early enough to get a good jog in, and maybe that's just what I needed to clear my head. I'd always been quite disciplined in my daily exercise routine until I'd started classes and my schedule had become too demanding to keep up with it. But classes were over for the summer, and the time off would give me an opportunity to jump back into my old regimen...providing I could get my butt out of bed early enough to stick to it; I had been working long hours lately, and felt like I could fall asleep at the drop of a hat. No, I couldn't think that way. I needed to pick myself up off the ground and get back in shape, if for no other reason than my own sanity.

  Running had always brought me peace and solitude, clearing my mind, if only for an hour or so. The first step is always the hardest, and I was declaring to myself that I'd take that first step of many steps to follow, starting immediately- but first I needed some coffee...and a good tooth brushing. Looking into the mirror that adorned my dresser, I groaned as I caught a glimpse of my matted hair and smudged make-up. I would need to freshen up a bit before I hit the pavement. I can't believe I had gotten all dolled up, stupidly thinking Kellan had any intentions of returning last night. Damn you Kellan Haines!

  Quickly shoving my anger to the far corner of my mind, I shuffled my feet as I trudged towards the bathroom. As I stepped into the hallway, my eyes widened and I let out an audible gasp as I found Kellan standing there, facing the wall, and studying the picture of Jordan and me on our wedding day.

  His eyes never wavered from the photo as he said solemnly, "You were happy."

  I was confused to see him standing in my home. My mind began to reel with questions. Had he just gotten here? Had he come last night after all? If so, why didn't he wake me? And why was he blankly staring at my picture?

  He appeared deep in thought and I had no idea what was going through his mind. My curiosity quickly began to override my anger towards him as I tentatively moved to stand beside him, turning to inspect the photo myself. A flood of emotions washed over me as my memory slipped back in time, recanting the joyous day the picture had been taken. Reminiscing, I replied simply, "Yes...we were."

  Kellan raised his hand to stroke the photo, snapping me out of my self-indulging moment. His eyes glued to the picture, he stated, "He made you happy." He turned his head to face me, peering deeply into my eyes as he whispered, "I couldn't do that for you."

  What was going through his mind? Where was he going with this? I stepped fractionally closer to him, a small smile forming on my lips as I gently linked my hand with his, saying softly, "Kellan, I am happy. So last night didn't go as planned, but..."

  Dropping his hand from mine, he furrowed his brow and quickly interjected, "Don't you understand?"

  My voice came out shaky as I shook my head, replying, "No, I don't understand. I thought...I thought last night..." My voice trailed off as we stood staring at each other in silence for what seemed like minutes, but in reality was only a few seconds.

  Sighing in frustration, Kellan broke his gaze from mine and peered past me, over my shoulder, as if it pained him to look me in the eye. His voice rose as he continued, "Last night was like a dream for me. But dreams are just that...dreams. But then you wake up and you're back to reality; and the reality is, I'll never be able to make you smile like he did. I could never measure up..."

  Bringing his eyes back to mine, worry etched on his face, I knew I had to put a stop to this nonsense. With determination in my voice, I said, "What are you talking about? Jordan's gone! It's not a competition. I am happy...or at least I was ten seconds ago- why can't you see that?"

  His eyes became vacant. He was evaporating...we were evaporating right before my eyes. Numbly he said, "I can only cause you pain, Hailey."

  Tears welled up in my eyes and a lump formed in my throat. This is how he coped when he got too close to the fire. He would run, he would allow himself to become a martyr to preserve the memories of his own perceived failures.

  My throat tightened, as I pled, "Please don't do this to us, Kellan."

  Though he remained anchored to his spot in front of me, I could feel his presence fading. With a sad expression, he implored, "Don't make this any harder than it already is."

  I resented his lack of confidence in us and it had my anger rising as I fought back the tears that threatened to flow over onto my hot cheeks. He needed a wake-up call, and I couldn't let my fear of losing him get in the way of what he needed to hear.

  Throwing my hands in the air, I huffed out in exasperation, "Don't make this any harder? On who? You or me?" I spun around to face away from him, running my fingers through my knotted hair, and began pacing the hallway. "If you don't love me, just say it..." I managed through a strangled sob.

  "I never said..." Snapping my eyes to meet his, he quickly looked away as his words trailed off. He dropped his head to stare at the
floor and ran his hand through his already mussed hair. He was resigning to defeat. "I...I'm not the man for you," he stammered.

  "Please Kellan," I begged.

  As he straightened his shoulders, his gaze became cold, and distant, as he said numbly, "We both know it's the truth." His face remained statuesque as he continued, "Look, I have to go." Gathering up his jacket, he quickly strode out the door, slamming it behind him as I flinched, staring after him in shock. My hand flew to my mouth; muffling my cries as I wept, realizing he didn't have to go...he was gone long before I stepped into the hallway just moments ago. I had been wrong- so, so wrong. Last night wasn't a dream...it was an illusion.

  ******

  Hailey

  Here I am...right back where I started. I should know better by now not to expose my heart to Kellan. Maybe he's right. Maybe he's not the man for me; maybe he can only cause me pain. Every time I put my heart on the line for him, he treats it like a novelty; like a new puppy that you want to cradle and can't get enough of. But when the shininess wears off, he can't deal with the responsibility. I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle, and for what? To be rejected over and over again by him?

  As my sobs begin to subside, I swipe furiously at my tears, quickly attempting to shove Kellan far out of my mind. No, no, no! I can't think this way. I need him...I've needed him since the day we met. And he needs me too; he wouldn't have come back to Chambers if he didn't. I internally wrestle with wanting to pummel him, and feeling the need to run to him and force him to take stock of the opportunity for us to be together.

  He's lying...he's lying to himself, and me. He can't keep destroying the future by running from the past, and what happened between us in the past needs to be resolved if we stand any chance of having a future. I refuse to let him just run away again. He needs to be a man and face his insecurities once and for all. I need to call him before he disappears too far into his own mind. I know I can turn this around for us, because I believe in us. I just need to make him believe it too.

  I let my hands fall to my sides as I shook them out and rolled my neck as if I were preparing for a boxing match. I headed towards my bedroom to retrieve my phone. Knowing Kellan, this would most likely turn into a fight...one I didn't plan to lose this time.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Kellan

  Seeing the pain I'd caused in Hailey's eyes this morning had me wanting to jump off a bridge into oncoming traffic. I knew Georgia had left her a message last night, and I knew Hailey hadn't listened to it yet. Whether Georgia had called back to set the record straight was irrelevant; I knew deep down Hailey would never forgive me. And I don't blame her; the last thing she needs on her plate is my fucked up mess of a life, and I don't deserve her. The break was clean, and I'm hoping it heals quickly so she can move on with her life. If I weren't so fucking selfish, this whole disaster never would've happened in the first place.

  Right now, I need to focus on the bar. People's jobs are on the line, not just mine. Successful bars only remain that way if they are consistently bringing in new customers, while keeping the current customers coming back for more. This is the express reason I hired Ashes To Ashes. They have an amazing following, and gain new fans all the time. This is a win-win for both of us. The last thing I want to have to contend with is Leila on a regular basis, but I didn't hire the band to make friends, I hired them to make money. A little twinge of excitement courses through me at the thought that I'll actually profit money off of that bubble head, providing she's as good as they say she is.

  As far as her story and threats, I don't believe a goddamn word of it. The kid could be a figment of her fucked up, delusional imagination for all I know. But I don't know- nor do I care to. I wouldn't put it past Leila to have run this game on any number of sad saps. I'll give her credit for pulling out the sympathy card with the rehab bullshit. It may have worked for her in the past, but I'm not buying what she's selling. I've known plenty of women that suddenly became 'pregnant' when they were desperate. It has to be one of the oldest scams in the book. Well fuck her, I may be an asshole, but I'm not a goddamn idiot. What? Do I have 'Charitable Aid' written on my forehead? Fuck no- if she's looking for a payout, she can take her lies back to the trailer court and go door to door with that shit.

  ******

  Hailey

  I'd listened to Georgia's messages at least a dozen times. They were contradictory to one another; the first being a furious rant about Kellan knocking up some bimbo, and the next a feeble attempt to take back her own words. But instead of them contorting my mind into a mess of mixed emotions, they brought clarity to it. Every memory, every word spoken and look exchanged, every taste, touch, and promise was tarnished like a decades old penny, and worth even less. Once a liar, always a liar. If I had to guess, he was probably screwing her behind my back all along. Kellan never could understand the concept of not having your cake and eating it too. Who knows...somewhere in his mind I'm sure he has already justified his actions with little to no regard for anyone but himself.

  Why I have perpetually let myself get ensnared into his atrocity of a life is beyond me. But those days are over...he'll be starting a new chapter in his life, and I'll be closing the book on the one between us. Us... There never was an ‘us’. He'd have to care about someone else more than he cares about himself for that to happen, and it ain't gonna happen. Not in this lifetime. He destroys everyone and everything around him, and I'll be damned if I'll be his doormat ever again. I can only hope he'll take responsibility for his...for the child. The child doesn't deserve to be deserted because his father can't get his own shit together. Then again, maybe the poor kid is better off without Kellan- a simple monthly check and a yearly card on his birthday may save him from his own life of anguish. Right now, Kellan's probably thinking this kid is the worst thing that's ever happened to him, when in reality, I can't help but think it's most likely the other way around.

  As I'd suspected, shortly after I'd listened to Georgia's messages, she promptly began to blow up my phone for hours. I effectively ignored her numerous calls and texts, and to my surprise, she didn't show up at my front door. I came into work, like any other day, and Kellan and I awkwardly sidestepped each other throughout my entire shift, neither of us mentioning what had happened. Georgia showed up early for her shift in hopes of getting some time to talk to me alone. But when she'd brought the subject up, I harshly put a stop to any further talk of the matter. Based on the brevity of our conversation, I think I made myself perfectly clear, and she hasn't mentioned it since.

  That was four days ago, and I've spent most of my time during my shifts keeping busy with mundane tasks when I'm not serving the customers. Today has been no different. Kellan and I seem to be doing a pretty good job at dancing around each other, though I'm sure the tension between us has not gone unnoticed by the staff. It's not hard to guess what they're all whispering about when they become silent every time I walk in on their conversations. I'm trying not to let it get the best of me, but I just want to yell, "Don't you people have anything better to do than gossip about my pathetic life?"

  "Um...I think that particular glass isn't going to get much cleaner," Georgia says sarcastically, interrupting my thoughts.

  I startle and still my hands as I peer up at her. "Huh?" I mutter.

  She arches a brow and looks down to the sink, and then back at me before saying, "You've been washing the same glass for five minutes now."

  "Yeah...lipstick," I deadpan, making a show of raising the glass to inspect it.

  "Looks squeaky clean to me," she retorts. I say nothing in return and simply rinse the glass and set it aside before grabbing another.

  Up until now, I've been able to keep my cool, but as the band begins to set up their equipment on the stage, I'm feeling antsy, anxious, and distracted. So far all I've seen are the guys in the band, and a kid that looks fresh out high school playing around with the sound board. While the guys in the band are sporting outfits that have them looking as
if they'd jumped out of a Harley Davidson catalogue, the young kid is dressed in skintight jeans, a Dead Mau5 t-shirt, and a pair of classic Converse All Stars. His too long, shaggy hair hangs in his eyes as he toys with the knobs on the soundboard, bobbing his head to what I can only assume is a song being filtered through his headphones. His hipster vibe is completely opposing to that of the band.

  There is, of course, one band member missing, and I'm dreading the sight of her. I've tried to come up with dozens of scenarios for when we're face to face, which will be inevitable at some point, I'm sure. But right now, all I can think about is avoiding the situation at all costs. At this point, I'm considering faking a seizure.

  "So what's your plan?" Georgia asks nonchalantly as she begins to prepare her shots for the thickening crowd.

  "Plan? For what?" I ask confused.

  Georgia rolls her eyes. (I hate when she does that...it makes me feel like an inept child, as if I'm an inch tall.) "Don't play coy with me," she says directly as she flits around behind me. I peer up at her through my lashes as she tips her chin towards the stage. Smirking, she says, "You plan on jumping her?"