Fire and Ice: Rekindled (The Fire and Ice Series Book 2) Page 3
"Well I spent the better part of a decade cleanin' up the messes you got yourself into...seems pretty close to me," she scolded. Gail was right; she was like a surrogate mother to me. Even though she was only ten years older than me, she'd known me since the day I started working at Jim's bar. I had barely known my own mother as long as I've known Gail.
I rolled my eyes in resignation, as she pinned a white carnation to the lapel of my suit, and as I took the podium and cautiously scanned the crowd, filled with eager eyes looking to me, my gaze fell on Hailey. She sat in the front row of the small church, just a few feet away from me, with her hands folded in her lap, her shoulders slumped forward, and her eyes cast down to the floor. She appeared almost as lifeless as the man that lay directly in front of me, just moments from being taking to the cemetery, and lowered into the ground. In a sad, sick way, I realize my Eulogy will literally be the final nail in his coffin.
******
Kellan
"I have many memories of Jordan Carson, but the one that sticks out most in my mind is the time he stole my girl." There were some audible gasps from the crowd and Hailey looked up to me with pleading eyes, as Georgia gave her a sidelong glance and squeezed her hand tightly. "Believe me, he had a good reason," I explained, as the crowd looked at me in obvious confusion.
I continued, "For those of you that know me well, you know I'm not the easiest guy to get along with, to put it mildly." A few nods and knowing glancing were exchanged between the onlookers.
"But one day this pretty little thing fell into my lap, and after a few weeks of trying my hand at the whole relationship thing, I knew she wanted more than I could commit to." The crowd was gaping at me with rapt attention. I cleared my throat and shifted uncomfortably. "People naturally assumed she and I were a couple, and I guess I did little to make them, or her, think otherwise." Under the scrutiny of the audience, I was beginning to sweat.
"It was our senior year in high school, and prom was nearing fast." The crowd seemed to visibly relax in unison. "The young lady that had latched onto me had been dropping hints about me asking her to the prom for days, shamelessly. The pressure was on, and I finally caved in to appease her, against my better judgment. As the date approached, something in me panicked, and I started to avoid her, though somewhere deep inside, I knew she must have been confused as hell, and her heart must have been breaking." I looked to Hailey with trepidation, and our eyes locked for the briefest of moments before I regained my composure and returned my focus back to my speech.
"Jordan was like a coon hound, and drilled the information out of me until I finally relented and told him I had no intentions of following through with the date. I told him I didn't have the money for a tux or flowers, and was embarrassed to admit it when I'd asked her. I'd stopped taking her calls, and two days before the prom, I 'mysteriously' came down with a near-death illness preventing me from going to school. The poor girl was destroyed, and Jordan, being the true gentleman he always was, swooped in with his good 'ole boy charm, and swept her off her feet. The two even went out on a few dates afterwards, but in the end, parted amicably.
"What Jordan did that night wasn't any huge favor, or something he would consider honorable. It was just...Jordan. Jordan was kind, caring, and never asked for anything in return. His life was cut short- way too short, but in the time he was with us, he impacted every one us here today in ways we'll never forget. This is for you, brother." I turned off the microphone, walked away from the podium, and stood in front of his casket. On top of his lifeless body, I placed the cross necklace his mother had gotten me for Christmas one year, and tucked a handwritten letter into the front pocket of his suit jacket, careful not to disturb the perfectly arranged handkerchief sticking out of it. Not bothering to linger, I turned on my heel, walked to my car, and got the hell out of there.
Chapter Four
Hailey
After the crowd had dispersed, going through the same ritual as the night before, each of them patting my hand and offering up their condolences, I asked Georgia, who'd been like Velcro attached to my side, if she could give me a few minutes alone with Jordan before they took him away.
It felt appropriate to weep, but the tears wouldn't come. I wanted to say something out loud, put it out there on wind, as if my words would be lifted to him, but it seemed odd to talk to a lifeless body. Jordan wasn't here with me; he was gone already.
Jordan, I'm going to miss you so much. Who's going to cook the pancakes, now? You know I always burn them. Our anniversary is coming up, and I was going to buy you that watch...you know, the one we saw at that jewelry store at the mall. I know you really wanted it. I saved up some of my tips just to buy it for you. Why did you have to go in and try to be the hero? You were MY hero...wasn't that good enough? Oh, Jordan, I have so many questions I'll never have answers to...
My eyes suddenly catch a glimpse of the envelope Kellan had gingerly placed in Jordan's pocket. His Eulogy was touching, but really, what more could he have to say to Jordan? My mind raced with the possibilities, and I became overwhelmed by my curiosity. I bit my lip hard, and turned to see Georgia approaching me. It was now or never. Seconds before she came to rest at my side, I leaned down to brush my face against his cold skin one last time, and whispered, "I'm sorry," as I inconspicuously pulled the envelope from his pocket and shoved it into my purse.
I looked up into Georgia's concerned filled eyes, saying, "We should go. Everyone's probably waiting on us."
******
Kellan
I think the precession was longer than the actual funeral, which was quiet and quick, thankfully. I hung back casually, away from the crowd, as the preacher gave a short blessing, finally bringing the ceremony to an end. It pained me to watch tears dampen Hailey cheeks as I unnoticeably honed my gaze in on her. Instinctually, I wanted to run to her, and swipe them away with my thumbs, but it wasn't my place.
After the funeral, as much as I just wanted to go back to the hotel, pack my shit, and drive back to Reno, I figured I owed Jim and Gail a proper goodbye. But the last thing I wanted was to have to face Hailey again. I'd have to make it short and sweet.
I packed my belongings in record time, took care of my bill at the hotel, and stowed my items in my trunk. Make it quick and get the hell out of Dodge.
The short drive to the bar, where Jim and Gail were hosting a meal after the service, did little to calm my nerves, and the thought of walking through the front doors, facing half the town, and having to put on a charade, was too much to bear. I decided to park around back where I could enter discreetly, and get this over with as quickly as I could.
I eased my car near the back of the building, feeling the crunch of shale beneath my tires, and came to a smooth stop, careful not to kick up dust onto my baby. As I exited, making my way to the back door, and wrenching it open, as I'd done hundreds of times before, I took a deep, cleansing breath, and headed for the office, feeling as though I were a prisoner heading for the gas chamber.
Hearing the faint voices inside, I rapped quietly on the door, as Jim bellowed out, "It's open." I eased the door open enough to fit through, and slid inside, closing it behind myself for privacy.
While Gail remained seated, Jim stood, and proffered his hand to shake mine. As he held a firm grip on my hand, he said in a somber tone, "You did real good today, Kellan. Proud of ya."
I nodded, not wanting to continue down the path of the topic of conversation, and said matter of factly, "Well, I'm heading out," as I motioned my thumb over my shoulder.
Jim looked to Gail and said, "Hon, can you give us a minute?" She gave him a polite nod, reached up to me, kissed me on the cheek, and brushed past me, closing the door behind her.
Jim huffed out a sigh, and sat back down in his seat, leaning back and lacing his fingers behind his head. This was the same position he normally took up when I used to work at the bar, and was about to get lectured. Great. His eyes volleyed toward the couch in front of his desk, as he asked, "Can y
ou take a seat? There's something I wanna talk to you about."
Jesus, this didn't sound hopeful, and the last thing I needed was more bad news. I placed my hands on my hips, and turned my head to the side, before I returned my gaze to his, as he motioned his head towards the couch. I sighed, and took a seat with apprehension, before I said, "Look, Jim, I really gotta get going...it's a long drive, and..."
He held up his hand to halt my explanation, cutting in, "I need you to stay another day."
"What? Why?"
"I told you...I need to talk to you about something," he grumbled.
"So? I'm sittin' right here. Talk." I unclasped my fingers that had been resting between my knees, and ushered my hands towards Jim to spill the beans.
He shook his head back and forth before he leaned forward, pinching the bridge of his nose, and letting out a long breath. "This isn't the time, Kellan."
"What difference is twenty four hours gonna make? If it has something to do with me, just get on with it. I have a job waiting for me. I have responsibilities. I..."
"Do you hear yourself, Kellan? I, I, I...today is about Jordan. Can you, for once, think about someone other than yourself?" Jim huffed out.
I snapped my mouth shut, and gave Jim a skeptical glare, before I finally said, "Fine. I have a few personal days. Nine a.m. tomorrow. Say what you have to say, and then I'm out of here." Jim gave me a sly smile and a curt nod, as I stood to leave, and made my way out of the door.
******
Hailey
I was feeling smothered, and needed some privacy, if only for a few moments. I rounded the bar, eager to escape to the bathroom for just a few minutes of solitude. As I stepped into the hallway, my breath hitched at the sight of Kellan. With his hand propped on the back door, ready to leave, he must have heard my footsteps, and turned to peer at me with those deep chocolate pools I had found myself lost in, in what seemed like a lifetime ago, yet also felt like just yesterday.
He slowly turned to face me, letting his hand fall from the door, as we faced each other in silence. My body flushed as he peered at me with an all-consuming intensity. He took a hesitant step towards me, and I instinctually stepped back away from him. Cocking his head to the side, he said with sympathetic eyes, "Please, don't."
"Don't what?" I rasped out.
"Don't shut me out," he pled.
I began to fidget nervously with my hands, looking back over my shoulder, feeling cornered, and wondering if I should run back to the safety of the crowd. Knowing Kellan, he'd only follow me, and make a scene. I certainly didn't need that on my conscience today of all days.
Looking back to him with trepidation, I replied, "There's nothing to talk about, Kellan."
He placed his one hand on his hip, and rubbed his forehead with the other before replying, "Please? I was up half the night thinking about...things I need to say to you."
"Don't you get it?" I bit out, crossing my arms in front of myself. "It's the same old, same old with you. You're going to feed me a bunch of bullshit, and then you'll be on your merry way. I don't want to hear your lie..."
Kellan was in front of me in two long strides, one hand gripping my throat just enough to force my back against the wall, and tip my head to meet his fiery gaze, and the other braced against the wall beside me, as he wedged his knee between my thighs, caging me in. He brushed his face against mine, and breathed heavily into my ear, "Third time's a charm, Princess. Feel like going for broke?"
God, his words evoked an erotic wanton need in me that blazed every time he was near, and sent scorching waves pulsing through my body at the slightest touch. He was the only man that could ever make me wet with just one look, the faintest smell of him, even the mention of his name. Why was I fighting my blatant attraction to him? Because you just buried your husband. Because he'll never be capable of loving you. Because one night won't be enough. Because he destroyed you!
Chapter Five
Kellan
For Christ's sake, I couldn't be within a foot of this woman and not want to take her where she stood. When it came down to it, the very thought of her made my body ache with need, hunger for her taste, and want to fuck her into oblivion. I was a fool to think the distance between us could ever douse those flames. She permeated my being like the ink etched into my skin that still resided above my heart, a daily reminder of where she belonged. A reminder I tried desperately to dispel all these years. All it took was one look from her to bring back a thousand memories; one touch and my body was instantly begging for her sweet rapture.
I leaned my head against the wall and loosened my grip on her, letting my hand fall to the curve of her waist where it lingered, as I breathed heavily into her ear. What in the fuck was I doing? She was right. Come morning, I'd be gone with the wind, and I knew one night with her wouldn't be enough. It would only leave me craving for more, and I'd been down that road.
When Hailey tossed me to the side, I made off like a bandit in the night, and sailed into Reno, desperate to disperse any trace of her in my mind. The four-month bender I went on did little to exorcise my demons; if anything, it made it worse. There wasn't enough whiskey or women to drive out the drowning pain, and I'd spiraled into a maddening vortex of delusional, self-soothing behavior.
After being up on speed for three days straight, and an after-hours threesome at the bar I was managing, I passed out cold in the back office one night. I woke up to a bar full of empty registers, and a pissed off boss that handed me my walking papers. Considering the size of our bouncers, I was lucky I didn't get my ass handed to me; I figured I got off easy.
After deciding to clean up my act, and working in several shit holes to redeem myself, I was finally able to get back on track and start working on my business degree. I've been through hell and back over the last three years, and come out the other side intact. I'm not about to play into a hand that will fuck up everything I've been working for.
I raised my head, breaking myself out of my thoughts, and stared deep into Hailey's sky blue eyes, searching for a modicum of a reason behind why she gave up on us.
Tentatively, she breathed out, "I'm sorry."
I chuckled sadly, pushing away from her, the distance instantly leaving me feeling cold and bitter. "You're sorry, I'm sorry," I said flatly, continuing, "You know what? You're right. There's really not a whole hell of a lot more to say, is there?" It was more of a statement than a question, and I didn't give her time to answer. "It doesn't matter...I'll be gone in the morning and..."
She abruptly cut me off. "But I thought you were leaving today?"
I slumped my head between my shoulders, and looked towards the office, replying, "Jim needs to talk to me about something in the morning. I'm rolling out after."
Hailey shifted nervously, biting her lip. The same soft, pink lips I had traced with my tongue dozens upon dozens of times. It was my queue to leave, before I got sucked in even further. Without acknowledging her, I turned and walked quickly out of the building, as I lit up a smoke to calm my nerves, making my way towards my car.
Before I could get my hands on the car door handle, the bar's back door wrenched open, and Hailey bolted out, running towards me, stopping just inches in front of me, her breathing kicked up a notch from the short jaunt. She breathed out, "Wait, Kellan...I don't want you to go..." she paused before continuing, "Like this, I mean. I don't want things to be like this between us," she stammered out, her eyes pleading with me.
My mind was telling me to run like hell, as far and as fast away from her as I could get. But she had my goddamn body on overdrive. I don't know if it was the events of the day, my longing for her that I'd tried to bury for so long, or her proximity, but I couldn't take another fucking minute without tasting her.
I tossed my smoke, and in one smooth move, I grabbed her face with both hands and crushed her lips to mine, forcing them open with my tongue, and delving deep inside. She moaned low, going limp in my arms before she wrapped her arms around my neck, threading her hands in
my hair, and digging her nails into my scalp. Our tongues tangled together in deep exploration, desperate for each other, as we both fought for air. The kiss was rough, urgent, and I ended it quickly, abruptly tearing my lips from hers to peer into her hazy eyes as I said, "You made your bed. Now you have to lie in it."
I climbed into my car, revved the engine, and spun out of the parking lot, watching her in my rearview mirror; leaving her standing alone and in shock, as her eyes went wide in confusion, and her fingers flew to her swollen lips. I quickly cranked up the volume on my stereo as "Jesus Christ" by Brand New streamed through my speakers.
******
Hailey
Oh, God. I needed to talk to someone. No, I needed to be alone. No- I needed to talk to someone. Shit!
I hurried inside and ran into in the kitchen, retrieving my purse, and pulling out my phone, dialing the numbers furiously. Damnit! It went straight to voicemail.
"Hey, I've been looking all over for you." I jumped, unnerved at the sound of Georgia's upbeat, and yet concerned voice. "Where've you been?" she questioned.